pudding's place!

my day was not that good... i guess overall, if you equal out all of the events and emotions i felt, it would be "neutral", but some were good and some were very bad.

i decided to go to the arcade today and play some ddr, i went around noontime. it was like it usually is, one parent and their kids but empty otherwise. i played dazzlin' darlin on regular three times, which was fun, but it made me pretty exhausted. i tried doing another round, i got through sigsig on regular and doll on regular but i quit halfway through love is orange on regular cus my legs and wrists were done at that point. i like playing with the bar because it helps balance me and allows me to focus on hitting the notes instead of trying to keep balanced, but i still have that internalized voice of my ex-boyfriend saying "playing with the bar is kinda lame, no bar looks so much cooler" in the back of my head whenever i play... i know it doesn't matter, i don't care about how "cool" i look to the random fat parents that walk by, i just want to git gud as quick as possible and enjoy the game, and my center of gravity is really shitty and when i play without the bar i trip over my feet so much and half the time i feel like i'm gonna fall over, but for some reason i just can't push that nagging thought away no matter how hard i try. maybe cus i know its better to just let go of the bar, the pressure it puts on my wrists when i hold on after a couple songs hurts so badly and my brain is warning me so i don't eventually snap my fuckign wrists off lol, i dunno...

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